Youre Not Going to Get to See Your Father Again

While yous may never know the reason that your male parent left you, there is one thing you can be admittedly sure of: You lot accept a Heavenly Begetter who loves you and will never leave yous or forsake yous.

Doesn't My Dad Love Me?

If your dad is no longer a presence in your life, you are undoubtedly asking these questions: Why did my dad leave me? Doesn't my dad love me? No matter the reason that your dad left you and your family, the hurting you feel is raw and real. The void that his absence left in your life seems too deep and wide to ever be filled. Yet you yet wonder what made him choose to walk out of your life.

How tin you ever move on from this, and hope to heal from such a loss? Allow's offset by taking a await at some of the reasons that dads might cull to exit and the importance of their part in a child'due south life.

Reasons Dads Exit

In that location are no clear cut answers for why some dads cull to leave their families. Each circumstance is unlike, and the reasons dads leave are numerous. Merely most fathers who choose to get out their families practise not leave out of a want to hurt their kids. Instead, fathers may get out out of a misguided perspective of wanting to protect their children from themselves.

Whatever the reason that your father had for leaving, know this: In that location is nothing that you did to crusade your male parent to leave. There is nothing that y'all could have washed to make him dear you more, or anything that y'all did to make him love you less. Y'all are not responsible for your father's actions.

Romans 3:23 states, "For all have sinned and fall brusque of the glory of God." No man father is perfect. Many fathers harbor deep-rooted fears that can crusade them to brand poor decisions where their families are involved. The following are some general reasons that dads choose to exit their families.

Past Harm and Injure

Many fathers who choose to leave their families have experienced significant harm or hurt in their own lives. A father might accept grown upwards without a father himself. If his dad left, then he knew all too well the hurt and void left behind from that loss. He may non accept had another homo in his life to teach him how to be a skilful father. Perhaps he experienced abuse or trauma in his babyhood and is afraid that he would hurt yous in the same way. These circumstances may have played a role in the fear your male parent felt when faced with the challenges of parenting.

Overwhelming Fear

Every parent faces fear when they find they're about to accept a child. However, for some fathers, the fright can be crushing. Fearfulness itself is often circuitous and unpredictable. It can cause people to do things they call back they would never do. Fright can misconstrue a person's thinking then that they believe they are taking the correct actions.

Fathers who struggle with anger or who take been abused in their past might be terrified that they'll abuse or traumatize their child in the aforementioned manner. They might be thinking, "I'll but mess upwards my kid the same way my dad messed me up." Fathers might be afraid of letting their kids down; that at that place's cipher they tin can practice to live up to the earth'south expectations. Fright of failure or harm tin drive fathers to go out out of a misguided sense of protecting their child.

Strained Relationships

Many marriages end each year in divorce. Some studies requite a staggering gauge that half of all marriages will stop in divorce. While the number of actual divorces is constantly in flux, ane affair is certain: divorce has a tremendous impact on the kids. Children of parents who are non married tin can also be significantly impacted if their parents decide to end the relationship.

Sometimes these marriages and relationships end amicably, but all besides often hostilities arise. A father may leave his child's life in an attempt to reduce tensions in the home. In some cases, reports of actual or perceived instances of abuse or addiction occur and affect the result of legal custody rulings. A custody dispute may end in a way that limits or ends a father'due south contact. The bottom line is that strained relationships betwixt parents and limited skills or desire in either party to reconcile have costs and consequences to children.

Safe

In that location are times when a father leaves their child's life for rubber reasons. If the father has a mental illness, for example, he may not be able to properly care for the child. Or, when struggling with symptoms, may cause unintentional harm to the kid. In some cases, fathers with mental illness are withal present in their child's life but may be emotionally unavailable.

If a father is struggling with addictions, information technology can create an unsafe environment for their children. Fathers may cull to leave to protect their children from their actions. The court may as well order separation from his family unit if the addictions are severe. The absence of the father while he struggles with addictions can exist disquisitional to the safety of the children in the family, merely it withal leaves a deep hurt and void.

Selfishness

Sometimes dads choose their wants over the needs of their kids. They might not have wanted children at that point in their life, or were unprepared for an unexpected pregnancy. Sometimes dads volition cull drugs or alcohol over their families. Dads may cull to leave their wife and kids for another human relationship. Or they may leave to pursue their own dreams and desires, rather than pouring out their love for their families.

Whatever the reason a dad leaves, information technology creates scars on the children he leaves backside. Absent fathers were non part of God's original plan for the family. Instead, God intended for dads to have a vital office in the lives of their children. He created a space in every child'due south middle that can merely be filled by his or her dad. But how does a father'south presence or absence affect a kid'south life? Hither are some reasons why kids need their dads to be present.

Why Kids Need Their Dads

A father'due south presence in a son or daughter's life is a contributing factor to their sense of worth and to their growth as a person. Kids tin can encounter this modeled by other individuals — such as substitute family members or office models — but the ideal and first source is from their dad. The bear upon of a father may be different in a son'southward life than in a girl's life, but the influence is every bit as important. Dads fill a infinite in each kid's heart that a female parent only can't fill — no thing how wonderful she is as a parent. Here are some means that a male parent'due south presence impacts the life of his son or daughter.

Fathers and Sons

Sons need a father in their life to teach them how to go from being a boy to a man in training. They need godly men who can demonstrate integrity, grapheme, and honor. Having a father in their life will teach them resilience and will train them to exist stiff men and fathers in the futurity. Only another man can teach a son how to become a man. Mothers cannot teach this to her sons in the same mode, man-to-homo, as a father can.

Fathers and Daughters

Daughters also need their dads to exist present in their lives. They need a father to demonstrate what a good and godly man looks like. She tin can potentially see this demonstrated past others, but the ideal source is from dad. Observing these traits will assist her to choose a husband that exhibits those traits. If she doesn't have this adept example, she is more likely to settle for damaged men who will not care for her as she deserves. Daughters need fathers to show them that they are loved, cherished, heard, and are valuable. They need their father's affirmation. While a father may not exist a man of many words, when he does speak, daughters take his words to heart.

The Furnishings of Absent-minded Fathers on Kids

A father's absenteeism creates a void in a child's life. Fortunately, in that location are many neat ways God provides substitute role models and care to children who do non have a father nowadays in their lives. Existence without a biological father does not "doom" anyone, yourself included, to a life of struggle. However, it is true that statistically, children are more likely to struggle with behavioral problems as they try to understand the reasons why dad left. They may seek blessing and attention in dramatic means. And the heavy burden of acrimony and hurt may touch on them as they develop or even into their adult years.

Possibly you were 1 of these kids. You struggled with the absence of your begetter and to this solar day continue to experience burdened by the hurt and anger that was acquired when he left. How has that heavy burden impacted you after all these years? Let's take a look at some of the things that acrimony and hurt can do if we keep to bear information technology.

A Boat Anchor Named Acrimony

Thinking about your begetter leaving probably causes a heavy feeling in your chest; a sinking feeling. Information technology's not uncommon to experience aroused and injure when you retrieve of the void that his absence has caused in your life. That would be a normal and understandable response. Imagine that acrimony and hurt every bit a boat anchor. The heaviness of that burden is what you carry around with you lot each and every day. It's a hard burden to comport and an exhausting one.

Anger Drains Our Bodies

If you've ever carried a heavy haversack on a long hike, you'll know what information technology's like to be depleted at the end of the twenty-four hours. Your body is just tired. Muscles ache, joints throb, and you just desire to sit and take a load off. Carrying the heavy weight of acrimony and hurt impacts our bodies in a similar way. Anger can manifest as extreme stress, ulcers, digestive bug, headaches, repeated illness, or even contribute to mental illness. It can cause mental and emotional exhaustion and tin hinder how we approach challenges and accomplish successes in our own lives. It can accept a negative touch on how we think almost ourselves and how we approach our relationships with others.

Anger Sinks Our Relationships

Belongings on to the heavy anchor non just hurts and hinders us, but it can sink our relationships. Anger can be specially damaging to our relationship with God.

If we harbor traits that are reverse to God's character — such as anger, hate, or holding grudges for past hurts — we place a wedge between ourselves and God. If we are to accept a skilful relationship with God, we must let get of those attitudes.

Every relationship in our lives flows down from the relationship that we accept with God. If nosotros aren't in a good relationship with God, our relationships with others cannot be healthy. It's similar watering a tree. If the roots of the tree aren't receiving water, all the branches and leaves volition wilt. Without the Living Water that God provides, our relationships volition produce wilted fruit.

The way we react to the globe effectually us depends on what we are storing in our hearts. If we store hate and acrimony in our hearts, it will percolate to the surface and volition manifest in how we interact with others. If we carry the burden of anger in our hearts, it will appear in the things nosotros speak and how we act (Luke half dozen:45). This tin can be so damaging to many areas of our lives and will preclude us from growing and moving forward.

Toss That Ballast Overboard and Cutting The Chain

I'g sure yous want to get rid of that heavy boat anchor that you lot've been carrying effectually. The acrimony that y'all've been carrying does nothing to change your dad'due south actions. It can't change the past. All that burden is doing is hurting you instead. Information technology'south impossible to comport it with you and have complete liberty in your life. If y'all keep to cling to it, it volition always weigh you lot downward. So what tin you do to toss that anchor overboard, cut the chain, and sail forward?

The Journey of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is an important footstep in letting go of that heavy ballast. But it's not cheap, quick, or easy. Forgiveness is not something that happens overnight. It takes time and can exist a long process. Yous may not be ready to forgive your male parent right at present for his absence. At some point, you'll want to start taking steps in that direction. You volition want to become to a place where you tin begin to address that topic. When you are ready, you may desire to talk to a trusted spiritual counselor or counselor to walk with you through the steps of forgiveness.

Steps In The Correct Direction

First, engage with God. Talk to Him near your male parent, his absence, and how information technology left you reeling. You lot don't take to hold anything back. God knows y'all meliorate than you lot know yourself, so lay it all down on the table. Talk nigh this with Him consistently and ask Him for help. He will soften your heart and volition enable you to forgive your dad for leaving. We can't do it of our own force. Just if we allow Jesus to carry the burden, He will.

Next, consider talking with a advisor about your male parent. Counselors have amazing insight and can encourage and assist guide you on your journey to healing and forgiveness. Recall that seeking the wisdom of a counselor is not a weakness; information technology can exist life giving.

Some other footstep that many people find helpful is to write a letter of the alphabet to their dad. This isn't a letter that you lot'll be dropping in the mail, so feel costless to lay all your thoughts and hurts downwards on the page. Often people experience better having information technology off their chest.

If y'all know your male parent and he is a safe individual to approach emotionally or physically, you might likewise choose to do something good for him. If non in person, at to the lowest degree in prayer and in your heart. Human nature wants to repay hurt for hurt. Information technology takes real courage and grace to repay hurt with kindness. Of class, whatever specific contact you make may require special discernment based on the history and relationship patterns. Always seek wise counsel, and if merited, even consider professional person counseling earlier making major plans or decisions.

The Bible instructs us to forgive others, simply as Christ has forgiven us (Ephesians iv:32). Showing forgiveness and grace to a father who injure you might be one of the hardest things you lot'll always practice. But if you are intentional in trying to forgive your dad, God will practice an astonishing work in your center and can help you to break the cycle of absent fathers in your own life and in the lives of others.

Breaking the Cycle

For centuries, kids have been asking "why did my dad go out me?" Notwithstanding, the number of fathers who take left their kids has seen an increment in recent decades. How tin can nosotros stop this tendency and the bicycle of devastation it leaves in its wake?

Choose To Pause The Bicycle In Your Family

If your own begetter has left you, so yous know that repeating that blueprint is not the best pick. Without intentionality, some fatherless children may tend to repeat the same pattern later in life. This does not have to be anyone'south story. You tin can use your life story as a springboard to some other path. Y'all can brand the selection for the cycle of absent fathers to finish with you lot.

What do you practice once you've fabricated this selection? Beginning by making a commitment to love and be nowadays with your kids. Y'all don't have to exist perfect. Your kids don't need your perfection, they need your presence. They need you to be a office of their lives. Next, seek out some other godly human in your life to be a mentor to you. Reach out to someone who can keep you answerable, encourage yous, and walk with you along your journey of being a dad. Over fourth dimension, he tin teach you what information technology means to be a dad.

Exist sure to cling to God for guidance and help. Read the Word, spend time in prayer, and notice a men's discipleship group through the church if you can. The journey won't always be easy, only God volition honor it. He volition teach you and bless you in amazing means. He will be the Heavenly Father that you await to for hope and help if only you lot'll let Him.

Brand an Impact in Some other Child's Life

For men who want to make an impact in a fatherless child'south life, you lot don't accept to stand idly past. You don't accept to be a father to invest in kids. Whether you are a grandparent, foster parent, or friend, you can exist a wonderful mentor to kids who don't have a father. Remember, you don't have to exist perfect. You just need to be a man who loves Jesus and has the courage to step up and help fill that void.

Brand a commitment to them to be nowadays. Something as uncomplicated equally showing up for a baseball game or taking them fishing tin make an impact. Talking through the challenges and questions that these kids have about life tin can encourage them and help them grow as people, and in their walks with Christ. Mentoring a child and showing that y'all are present tin be a game changer for them.

Mentor A Dad

You can besides step upward and help mentor another dad. There are many men out there who have not had a father in their lives to teach them what it means to be a dad. This is your opportunity to step in and show them. Make a commitment to consistently be present, talk through information technology, and walk life with them. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there. God can have your willingness and make an affect for generations to come up.

Y'all tin mentor another dad ane-on-one or through a men's discipleship grouping in your church. If a group like this doesn't be, why non start i? Information technology can be a chance for you lot to bond in deeper ways, lift each other upward in prayer, and support each other through the challenges of fatherhood and encourage each other in your walk with God.

God is Non Like Your Male parent

Nosotros tend to see our Heavenly Father through the lens of our experience with our earthly fathers. Nosotros ofttimes project our dad's character and traits onto God and imagine that He behaves in the same mode. Notwithstanding, God is perfect, whereas we are all imperfect. He is reliable, He is love, and He will never leave yous. God knew your name and who yous would become earlier y'all were even born (Psalm 139). And He loved you and so much that He sent His only son — Jesus — to die on a cantankerous to relieve yous. All you take to exercise is accept His gift of salvation — of freedom in Christ.

If y'all take never accepted Jesus into your life and want to accept His love, forgiveness, peace, and healing, you lot tin pray something like this:

Heavenly Father, I come to you in the name of Jesus and lay my life before you. I've pushed you away for too long and have rejected your love and peace in my life until now. Cheers for your gift of salvation and I choose to receive it today. I believe you sent your Son to die on the cross for my sins, and that He rose again. I believe that my sins are forgiven and that you have given me the souvenir of eternal life through Jesus. Your words are truthful and I know that you love me beyond measure.

Come into my heart, Lord Jesus, and exist my Savior. Bear witness me your beloved and your peace. Help me to forgive those who have injure me as you lot have forgiven me for my sins. Aid me to show them your love as you have shown it to me. Amen.

Now that you have made the decision to accept Christ, where do you become from here? Coming Home is an excellent resources on how to know God in a deeper fashion. Find a local church, if you lot don't already have a church home. Go a role of a Bible study or discipleship grouping there and find a mentor who can help guide you on your walk with Christ.

Final Thoughts

You may never know the reply to the question, "Why did my dad leave me?" However, there is one thing you can be admittedly certain of: You have a Heavenly Father who loves you and knows you. God has never left y'all or forsaken you (Deuteronomy 31:half-dozen). If you let Him, God can fill up the void and heal the hurt that your father's absence has created. There is nothing He cannot restore.

If yous would like to have a old consult with a licensed or pastoral counselor at Focus on the Family or you would like receive a referral for ongoing professional counseling in your surface area, we invite you to accomplish out to us at Focus on the Family through our free Counseling Consultation and Referral Service at one-855-771-Assist.

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